walrusgumboot:

See? Pussy automatically comes with a Les Paul.

cheaperthanacupofjoe:

Mom: Did they make the Yoo-Hoo?

Me: (pause) Uhhh… who?

Mom: The juice.

Me: What? (pause) First of all, it’s not juice, it’s chocolate milk… and secondly, who are you talking about?

Mom: The Juice!!

Me: (long pause) Oh my god… the Jews??

Mom: Yes!

Me: Wow… ok, too far… and why…

movievore:

courtesy of dorkvader

cheaperthanacupofjoe:

1. Should we get an appetizer?

What She Really Means: How much money do you make?

2. So why did you and your ex-girlfriend break up?

What She Really Means: Did you cheat on her?

3. I feel like such a pig, did you even get to have any of the garlic bread earlier?

What She Really Means:…

cheaperthanacupofjoe:

Scope out the Area - Crowded areas are always good in case you have to deflect the blame, but you must avoid areas with lots of women… cuz women don’t fart, remember?

Test Shoot - Just a soft squeeze to make sure your fart wasn’t playing in the mud earlier… the last thing you want is a…

themusicjunkies:

I hope everyone noticed the girl before the guitar hero controller. That would be sad if it’s the other way around.

cheaperthanacupofjoe:

Turn all their sneakers into slippers - Why waste money on pair of slippers when you can just smash down the back part of your shoes and make your own.

Walk with both hands behind their back - Even North Korean leader Kim Jong-il does it (which means only he can do it now.. but still)!

…